(no subject)

[solaciolum]

I have something of a contentious relationship with various forms of divination- astrology, tarot, oracle cards. I like the ideas behind them (and my detailed horoscope describes me remarkably well), but I am a skeptic at heart. However, it's still fun to look at these things and find patterns in them, and good advice can be found in anything if you look hard enough.

At any rate, my tarot cards tend to give me readings that are blunt and painful and upsetting. I generally do three card readings, because I find more complicated spreads get too confusing. I use a Yoshitaka Amano deck that was given to me by a friend who brought it back from Japan.


So, with regard to my current situation, my cards have this to say:

To be done now: The Hermit
Process to be taken: Queen of Swords
To find at the end: Nine of Cups, reversed

This is the first time I have ever drawn the Hermit, actually; of all the cards in the Major Arcana of this deck, the Hermit and Temperance are the ones that speak to me the most. I've seen Temperance before, but never the Hermit. He's rather apropos, considering what I did yesterday.

I don't regret it, though; I knew when things started going wrong that it would probably be necessary, and it's the path I should have taken initially.

Of course, I'm still a complete mess- totally burnt out, emotionally, and filled with doubts and trepidation and anxiety and what might be loneliness. Being an introvert doesn't mean I don't need people; it just means I'm not accustomed to needing them, and I'm not sure how to deal with needing them. I have walls I need to rebuild.

I like the Queen of Swords; the numbered swords terrify me, but the face cards are all friendly- or, if not friendly, at least somewhat understanding. The Queen represents clarity of thought and perspective, turned inward. She's a good match to the Hermit in this case, I think, and good advice in general.

Nine of cups, reversed- I'm not sure how to see that as anything other than watching all my hopes and dreams be poured out of those upturned cups. But reversals are never that clear cut. My future is precarious; that's nothing new.

And, just to see, the card at the top of the deck right now, the one that was beneath that nine of cups...

Ten of Swords. *snort* Good old Ten of Swords, always there to remind me to lighten the fuck up- what's an extra sword or ten in the back? After the first one, the rest are just excessive.