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Tuesday, February 22nd, 2011 05:56 pm
There's that meme going around:

Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Give a small description of what's inside, and provide snippets on request!

I'm really bad at "small descriptions." I think I like talking about my writing more than I like actually writing. >_>

These are things I intend to finish, someday. Eventually. In the future. oh god why do I write so slowly sobsobsob

"copy of love is war"
I have something like six drafts of this story, and this is the file name for the most up-to-date one. Durr, obviously, this is Love Is War, which I refer to as #lyubovvoina on Twitter. Kinkmeme prompt, Altair/Malik/Maria. It's about 2/3 finished, but the last third is just...a lot of dialogue, while everyone hammers out their boundaries and deals with all the hurt and anger, and then the most epic sex scene ever. Ever.

Another one with five or six different draft files; the original filename is "paraphilia," before I decided to turn it into a very very very obscure reference to a very very obscure book. The current filename has a capital letter! That makes it pretty unique. I...yeah, I got nothing. Altair/Malik, amputee fetish/devoteeism (acrotomophilia, if you want to get clinical about it), because I only ever write horrible things. I'm deeply indebted to the kink bingo wiki and the BMEzine modblog for providing me with some research on this fetish. And I'm deeply indebted to all the meta people produced during the Hurt/Comfort Bingo controversy last year for making me realize I had to completely rewrite and re-imagine the entire story.

What should have originally finished in three parts with an entirely uncomplicated happy ending is going to need five chapters and an epilogue, and everything is always complicated, forever. It does get a happy ending, though! Eventually. (HILARIOUSLY part of the reason I needed to rewrite chapter three was because it was really sketchily rapetastic in an unexamined, dub-con-y sort of way. And now it's explicitly non-con. I can't win with this story.) (I have a whole lot of unwritten meta on that scene, because I think by most people's standards it's more dub-con than non-con. But I consider what happens in it to be rape; so does Malik, once he leaves the room. Altair, never does, though. And I spend more time thinking about these details than I do actually writing the bloody story, which is why it is taking me forever to finish.)

(I still worry that I am fucking shit up with this one, but I suppose, if nothing else, I can say it's less offensive than it was. *sigh*)

Altair and Malik are immortal and they meet up at some point to have "Hey, how are you, it's been a couple hundred years" sex. The actual title for this story is "In the Arc of Your Mallet," because I've been obsessed with that poem forever. I'm not going to lie, this is really just an excuse for me to put terrible puns in Malik's dialogue. (Also for Malik to have lots of awkward UST with Leonardo, and lots of awkward RST with Desmond.) This is a problem that I have. I do not regret it.

It keeps getting mired in angst, though, because this is, after all, something I am writing. Hence the filename.

"shaundes stuff and nonsense and ohgodwhat"
Does what it says on the tin. There are a bunch of things in this file. Mostly there's the sequel to ENDA, which is basically just the sex scene that didn't get written originally. But there's also a bit of the other Shaun/Desmond thing tentatively titled The AC Crowd, because it sort of revolves around Shaun and Rebecca sitting around in their down time watching British sitcoms, and the line "God damn these electric sex pants" features rather prominently. (I can't take Shaun/Desmond seriously. I am utterly incapable of it.)

There's also a tiny bit of the Shaun/Rebecca pre-AC2 thing where they're living in a tiny safehouse apartment and Rebecca eventually locks Shaun in the bathroom so she can watch porn and jerk off. Once Shaun gets out of the bathroom, they have sex. The end! Except I haven't written any of the sex, I've only written the bits where Shaun is moody and an asshole.

And there's a little piece of the Desmond/Rebecca kinkbingo vehicular kink thing, tentatively titled "Traffic Violation," where Rebecca procures a Ducati Streetfighter for Desmond and they go joyriding while Shaun distracts Lucy on a shopping trip. Sex happens, but not while they're on the motorcycle, because do you know what that is? That is fucking stupid. (I actually hate vehicular sex with a burning passion; it's one of the few things I straight up will not read, unless the vehicle in question is a Transformer or being driven by someone not involved in the sex.)

"gathering data"
Sequel to Scientific Method, starts with Leonardo sketching Ezio, ends with Ezio giving Leo a blowjob and also some boot licking and facials? Um. I have been stalled on this for months and months; the Scientific Method series in general is supposed to be about Ezio and Leonardo navigating a D/s relationship and also Leonardo being asexual, and that's a bit much to ask of a bunch of plotless sex scenes. *sigh*

Kinkmeme prompt, Altair/Malik, where Maria orders Altair and Malik around in bed. The filename is a reference to the band Ohia, and specifically the songs "Captain Badass" and "Hot Black Silk," which I tend to listen to on repeat when working on this. I want to finish this someday, because it's delightfully silly and fluffy and kinktastically smutty and that's a nice change from all the ANGST ANGST ANGST that is Love Is War. This one got preempted by someone else, but I still intend to finish it, some day.

"Take on Me"
Kinkmeme prompt, Altair has a fetish for women's underwear. Malik finds out. Sex ensues.

OKAY LOOK. No, wait. Don't look. Stop looking at me like that. Just...just stop. Don't judge me! *sobbing* This is the corporate lawyer AU, the one where Altair and Malik work for Mario Auditore's law firm and Maria works for the DA and also Altair is Desmond's adopted brother and the Damascus Rafiq owns a nightclub and Malik has terrible chronic migraines and Altair has horrible screaming parent issues and Maria has a strap on and everyone is a little bit queer and/or genderqueer and. Uh. IT'S IN MY HEAD AND IT WON'T GET OUT. *more sobbing*

Right now I mostly just have notes for this; I'm in the middle of a wordless phase right now, but I dearly want to at least write fragments of this. I'm also slowly realizing that the thing in my head could potentially fill about half a dozen kinkmeme prompts, and this is hilarious for me.

And yes, everything I am writing is just an excuse to write smut. It's like I've forgotten how to write stories that don't revolve around sex. I used to be able to! I wrote quite a lot of such stories once upon a time., like, 2005. >_> *sigh*

And these are all things that I have kicking around in my gdocs, but I don't intend to do anything with them except occasionally stripmine them for lines and ideas to use in other stories.

"Jerusalem quieted at sunset..."
Pieces of stuff I wrote in 2008, when I was planning to write the epic post-AC1 story of Conrad of Montferrat's assassination and also Altair and Malik were full of TENSION and ANGST at each other. But for a lot of reasons, some of which are complicated and wanky, I'm never going to write that story.

"May 2008"
More stuff from, uh, 2008, specifically a drabble request that I've been wanting to rewrite for a while. The request was Altair/Malik, "Devotion to duty" and it's basically just some fluffy smut. But I wrote it before I had a very good grasp of the characters or certain basic writing skills, and looking at it now just makes me shake my head.

"altair stop whining"
Somebody posted a prompt for Altair/Maria pregnancy sex or Altair confiding his fears of impending fatherhood to Malik. I have a hard time not writing Altair/Maria as severely dysfunctional; I think at one point in this story, Malik gets so annoyed with Altair that he asks Maria to marry him, instead. (Doing every OTP just wrong, wrong, wrong.) Also attempts to deal with some of my headcanon for Altair (his mother was either a coptic or a maronite slave! his father was a jerk!) and Malik's parents and suchlike (he has three sisters! they all live in the maghreb! they write letters to each other!) because seriously, Altair's surname just makes me facepalm forever and ever and ever. Somebody else preempted me on the prompt, and this sort of lost momentum, but I did have a fair chunk of it written.

Prototype kinmeme prompt, the one where Blacklight!Alex has a flashback to Human!Alex date raping his sister. I...okay, I don't have any excuses for this, and I don't know why I always just want to write incredibly fucked up and horrifying things. *sigh* I...I just like things that have Alex learning to be a people, and that's really what this story is all about. (It's also about Dana coming to terms with her brother being dead, but this is remarkably easy for her because good god, her brother was a fucking monster and she likes the new version a hell of a lot better.)

This is the story that Love is War isn't, but was supposed to be. It's also sort of the prequel to All The Gardens, but not really because the ages of the kids are wrong. These days it just sort of lurks in the back of my head and occasionally reaches out a scaly hand to stroke my brain, lovingly. It's the one where Malik and Altair have been on again, off again fuckbuddies since they were teenagers, and Maria is Altair's dirty secret, living in Acre with their son. Then there's drama and angst because Altair spends all his time with the Apple and Malik eventually finds out about Maria because Altair stops visiting her but keeps sending money and he goes to check it out himself. He and Maria play a lot of chess, once he gets over his horror at the fact that Altair secretly married a Templar. And playing a lot of chess eventually leads to guilty, lingering touches over the chess board and deep, meaningful sighs, and eventually Maria loses patience with this and jumps Malik because really now.

There's other stuff (more drama! babies! long and involved conversations about marriage laws, the legal system, and women's rights!), but I'm never writing it. And I have very little of it actually written- just a tiny fragment of Malik and a messenger pigeon glaring at each other, because he wasn't fond of them when he had two hands, and with only one, they're just beyond annoying.

The one about Lucy and Subject 16 and the latter's descent into madness. Not at all Brotherhood compliant. Kind of breaks my heart. I do love Subject 16, even if he did give me nightmares. Endless, endless nightmares.

Aaaaand that's it! I have about a million other things in my head, but none of them have made out into the world and on paper yet.


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